Abuse and Exploitation in the Meeting Community

Friends’ testimonies, along with our belief that there is that of God in everyone, encourage a heightened awareness of the need for care in our relationships with one another. Still, Quakers recognize that, despite our testimonies and our highest aspirations, members and attenders of Friends meetings are not exempt from weaknesses. We are all capable of hurting each other, and we are all at risk of being hurt. Some hurtful incidents are easily rectified. Others are not.

Abuse, exploitation, harassment, bullying, and other similar types of misconduct—whether physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional—are contrary to Friends’ testimonies, and in some cases, to the law. Individual Friends bear responsibility in those areas; so too do Quaker meetings. Every meeting and worship group must do whatever it can to provide a safe and loving environment for everyone, as Friends seek to affirm the worth of all children of God.

Instances of abuse and exploitation may vary enormously in severity and motivation. Insensitivity to cultural differences may play a role, as may racism and other forms of conscious or unconscious prejudice. Power imbalances, for example between children and adults, may exacerbate abuse, and make it less likely to be reported.

Each meeting is advised to make conscious and concerted efforts to prevent occurrences of abuse, exploitation, and similar forms of misconduct in any event that takes place under its auspices, and to undertake actions of both a preventive and responsive nature when it has the opportunity and/or need to do so. In addition to working diligently to assure safety in its gatherings, each meeting should be prepared to deal promptly, actively and lovingly with allegations of misconduct. Any meeting that does not have a policy stating how such allegations are to be handled might want to consider developing and minuting one, seeking legal counsel and perhaps consulting with meetings that already have such a policy. The policy should include which officer(s) and/or committee(s) within the meeting are responsible for handling such allegations. This may vary with the type and severity of allegations, and with the degree to which privacy and confidentiality concerns play a role. When confidentiality is an issue, knowledge of the allegations must be strictly limited. Some cases are appropriately referred to the police. Some cases legally require reporting to other government authorities. The policy should contain guidance in these matters.

Regardless of whether misconduct of any sort is found to have taken place, those involved are likely to feel out of right relationship with the meeting, especially if they believe it is not safe to address these matters. Those with knowledge of the situation should work to restore a sense of safety and security, and to heal the damage to the meeting community. Considerations of privacy and confidentiality must be respected in this process: even if the meeting as a whole has been hurt, this does not mean the meeting as a whole has a right to know everything that has happened. Still, every member and attender is always responsible for nurturing a trustworthy and beloved community.

Queries

• How can our meeting assure that its practices and events are free of exploitation and harassment?
• Does our meeting promote an environment in which those who may be experiencing abuse or exploitation feel that they can turn to the meeting for help?
• Does our meeting respond to allegations of misconduct conscientiously and with care for everyone involved?
• If abuse occurs or has already occurred in our meeting, how can we reach out to both abuser and abused? How can we foster the process of healing for those involved and for the meeting as a whole?
• How can our meeting offer protection and support to those who have been adversely affected by abuse and other forms of misconduct? Has our meeting prepared itself with appropriate contact information in order to make referrals to professional resources if that becomes necessary?

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