Marriage being an ordinance affecting all the relations of life, it is affectionately advised that, before any purpose to enter therein, they do humbly ask the counsel of the Lord: and if they have a clear evidence of Divine approval, that they acquaint their parents or guardians with their intentions, and give due heed to their deliberate advice, so that they may be preserved from the dangerous bias of uncertain affection and from the bitter fruit of improper marriages.

Illinois Yearly Meeting, 1878

Marriage, as understood by Friends, is a relation involving two individuals, God, and the religious community that witnesses, recognizes and supports it.

For the individuals joined in marriage, it is a religious calling; it is a commitment of their subsequent lives to serve one another equally, and with earnestly sought Divine assistance to be loving and faithful marriage partners as long as they both shall live. The couple, in effect, calls on God to bless and support their union. But more than this, Quaker procedure requires that they have sought Divine guidance for the marriage. Marriage is then a covenant among God and the two persons who marry one another: God’s participation sanctifies the union.

All Friends are called into a ministry sooner or later, whether public or private, in word or deed or silent prayer, of long duration or short.

Lloyd Lee Wilson, 1993

All Friends are called to minister to others, but not all are called to do so in the same way. Offering a vocal message during meeting for worship is the best-known form of Quaker ministry, but it is far from the only one. Ministry may involve caring for those who are ill, teaching First Day School, or helping with hospitality for the meeting’s events. These forms of ministry rarely call for formal recognition, but they serve to deepen the covenant community that is at the core of every Friends meeting.

Ministry is most effective when it takes place in accordance with one’s gifts and leadings. In Quaker parlance, a “gift” is a God-given ability that is intended to be used for spiritual purposes, while a “leading” is a call to action based on a Friend’s sense that God has led them to take on a particular cause, for example pastoral counseling or chaplaincy in a prison or hospital. Such leadings typically emerge as a result of prayerful consideration of a concern, and they often reflect the gifts of the person who is led to act on them.

Quakers regard all individuals in their meeting community as “members one of another” (Romans 12:5). As Friends, we regard ourselves as being called to care for each other’s spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being. The traditional term for this form of ministry is “pastoral care.” For Quakers in Illinois Yearly Meeting, pastoral care is the collective responsibility of the entire body, especially the local meeting community.

Pastoral care begins when we recognize the needs of our fellow worshippers. We do this by coming to know one another deeply and by listening to each other actively and lovingly. Every encounter, whether at the meetinghouse or elsewhere, is an opportunity for us to learn about the needs of others and to respond to those needs.

Death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity. Death, then, being the way and condition of life, we cannot love to live, if we cannot bear to die.

William Penn, 1693

Quakers do have something very special to offer the dying and the bereaved, namely that we are at home in silence. Not only are we thoroughly used to it and unembarrassed by it, but we know something about sharing it, encountering others in its depths, and above all, letting ourselves be used in it…. People so often talk about someone “getting over” a death. How could you ever fully get over a deep loss? Life has been changed profoundly and irrevocably. You don’t get over sorrow; you work your way right to the centre of it.

Diana Lampen, 1979

Preparing for Injury, Illness, and Death

Injuries are often unexpected, and an individual who has suffered one may be unable to care for herself or himself for a period of time, or even permanently. Serious illness, including mental illness, can also occur at any time. Either injury or illness may require an extended period for recovery and rehabilitation, or may even result in death. In either case there will be a need for support from the meeting.

The mystery of sex continues to be greater than our capacity to comprehend it… [I]ts mystery relate(s) to the mystery of God’s relationship to us.

Mary S. Calderone, 1973

Quakers consider sexuality to be a gift. Like the gift of spirituality that we have also been given, it is intended to be developed and progressively understood as each of us proceeds through our life’s journey. Considering one without the other may mean that we do not fully grow in our understanding of the role of either in our lives.

Friends regard personal and corporate discernment about sexual behavior, as well as discernment regarding attitudes about matters of sexuality and gender identity, to be a reflection of the testimonies (see “Testimonies”). Sexual relations, like all human relations, should be marked by honesty, integrity, personal responsibility, and mutual respect. We are called to interact lovingly with each other, recognizing that all of us are equally beloved by God. For this reason, Illinois Yearly Meeting and affiliated component meetings and worship groups seek to be welcoming and affirming for all those who attend.

Friends,—Whatever ye are addicted to, the tempter will come in that thing; and when he can trouble you, then he gets advantage over you, and then ye are gone…. Your strength is to stand still, after ye see yourselves; whatsoever ye see yourselves addicted to, temptations, corruption, uncleanness, &c. then ye think ye shall never overcome. And earthly reason will tell you, what ye shall lose; hearken not to that, but stand still in the light that shows them to you, and then strength comes from the Lord, and help contrary to your expectation. Then ye grow up in peace, and no trouble shall move you.

George Fox, 1652

Addiction presents one of the most difficult challenges in spiritual life. Whether to alcohol, gambling, sex (including pornography), or any of a myriad of other potentially addictive behaviors and substances, addiction always detracts from life, and in many cases is damaging in the extreme, both to the addicted individuals and to others around them. Once established, addiction usually cannot be overcome by sheer willpower. It is therefore essential to watch oneself carefully for the early signs of developing addiction, to be honest with oneself about them, and to seek help when necessary.

Friends’ testimonies, along with our belief that there is that of God in everyone, encourage a heightened awareness of the need for care in our relationships with one another. Still, Quakers recognize that, despite our testimonies and our highest aspirations, members and attenders of Friends meetings are not exempt from weaknesses. We are all capable of hurting each other, and we are all at risk of being hurt. Some hurtful incidents are easily rectified. Others are not.

Abuse, exploitation, harassment, bullying, and other similar types of misconduct—whether physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional—are contrary to Friends’ testimonies, and in some cases, to the law. Individual Friends bear responsibility in those areas; so too do Quaker meetings. Every meeting and worship group must do whatever it can to provide a safe and loving environment for everyone, as Friends seek to affirm the worth of all children of God.

While we recognize the need of law and order, which in the present condition of mankind can perhaps only be maintained by governments resting on human authority, we believe that in the degree that we come individually under the government of that principle of justice and unselfish regard for the welfare of others, that lies at the foundation of the Christian faith, we shall render governments sustained by force, unnecessary, and build up through self restraint, the government of Righteousness in the earth.

Illinois Yearly Meeting, 1878

Friends’ relation with civil government proceeds both from our recognition that government plays a useful and beneficial role in promoting the common good, upholding justice, and providing a system for collective decision-making; and from our awareness that government sometimes depends on violence or threats of violence to achieve its goals, and may be diverted from the pursuit of justice into the service of powerful interests. It is our responsibility to participate in the civic life of our communities, states, nations and world. But it is also our responsibility firmly to oppose governmental structures, actions and policies which promote war or injustice of any kind.

Communities of Friends

The Quaker way of life is one of community: Friends gather together for worship, for service, to support each other spiritually and in other ways, and to reach collective decisions on the issues which arise in community life. For Friends, religion is not just a matter of individual experience, but something we enter into together, acting as a body in our worship, our witness, and our business; holding each other in mutual care, love, and attention.

This is not to discount the experience of those Friends who live at too great a distance from their meetings to participate regularly, nor to deny that each of us must come individually to a sense of what is right and true and essential in spiritual matters. But time and experience have proven the value of a close, responsive community in fostering individual spiritual growth, in testing and tempering individual leadings and individual understanding, and in supporting individuals as they are called to act or to suffer for religious principle. Worship in a gathered community is different in valuable ways from private devotion, and a coordinated group can accomplish far more in service and advocacy than individuals acting alone.

1833–1875: Before the Yearly Meeting was Formed

The roots of Illinois Yearly Meeting may be traced to the 1830s, when Quaker farmers settled along Clear Creek, near what is now McNabb, Illinois. At that time, this was a frontier area, ceded to the U.S. by the Peoria Nation in 1818 and Kickapoo in 1819, but just outside the disputed region over which the U.S. had recently fought the Sauk and other nations in the Black Hawk War. European-American settlement of the McNabb area began in the 1820s, with the first Quakers arriving about 1833; most of them came from eastern Ohio and western Pennsylvania.