- Getting to Know our New Presiding Clerk, Marcia Nelson
- Reflections on the Women and Gender Minority Retreat as a First Time Attendee
- Quake That Rocked the Midwest
- Blue River Quarterly Meeting Celebrates 200 Years
- Queries on Clearness and Support Committees
Lisa Thompson, Lake Forest Friends Meeting
On a chilly afternoon in late April, I hopped into my van with two other Lake Forest Friends to travel to McNabb, Illinois for a weekend retreat open to cisgender women, self-identifying women, and gender minorities. We had food and luggage, sleeping bags, etc., stashed in the back and we were ready to go. But we had no idea what to expect. The topic was Nonviolent Communication. I have some experience with workshops on that subject, but I was eager to learn more.
We arrived at the ILYM campus just before supper. One of our carpool friends planned to sleep in the cabins, so we helped her set up, then headed to the Clear Creek House. The folks who had arrived early had made soup and bread. They set it out before we arrived. Every bit of the food was allergen friendly and/or labeled. which for me was a big deal. The food was also Jain friendly for our guest speakers. Jains eat a diet geared towards reducing violence on the environment. It is similar to a vegetarian diet, but also refuses any food that destroys the plant upon harvest or risks harming insect or microorganisms when pulled from the ground. Eggs, cheeses, and yogurt are also restricted because they may have living or dead creatures within. Do you know how unusual it is to find Jain-friendly food at an event? Amazing!
Our entire weekend was like that in terms of food, hearty, delicious, and perfect for every guest. I was blown away by the cooks’ flexibility. Flowing conversation kept us busy during meal breaks. After we ate, we worked together to clean, wash dishes, wipe tables, and sweep floors. The sense of harmony and comradery over these tasks grew as the weekend progressed.
Our first learning session began Friday night. Hemlata (Hema) and Mandakini Pokharna, the facil-itators, introduced us to the idea of Nonviolent Communication. We spoke first about where we had come from and what we hoped to learn. Then Hema and Mandakini began to speak about the light within us and learning to grasp it and focus on it in order to maintain a sense of peace while we are communicating. They spoke of the connection of the heart, where the light resides, to our body, our actions, our thoughts, and our words. In order to express ourselves with love and balance, we must first soak in that light. We found ourselves centering our mind and bodies on the light many times over the weekend.
That night, we crawled into bed, exhausted, but full of peace. The weekend forecast promised cold, wind, and rain, so everyone slept under a
On Saturday, we continued to learn. We began to see the benefit of finding space between what is happening around us and our response to that stimulus. Within that space, even if it is small, we can choose how to respond. We must sometimes take time ask ourselves what we need. Do we need love? Do we need safety? Do we need physical space? Honoring our own needs can help us to stay calm.
At one point, the facilitators laid out a series of feeling words for use in problem solving conversations. We worked through personal issues using those words, discovering deeper feelings within ourselves, and recognizing similar deep feelings within others. We are better able to let go of stories in our head, judgements, anger, and tension when we recognize shared humanity. As we moved forward, we discovered that honoring the light and emotions within other people opens a path to resolving conflict. The atmosphere was loving and supportive. Tears fell. Tissues became plentiful. The room became a safe space to share our hearts without judgement.
Later that evening, we got together to sing songs. We shared laughter and discussion. Several of us wore pajamas to this part of the event, a well-deserved act of self-care. We had been alerted ahead of time to bring unwanted items for others to take home. Many of us found treasure in the resulting “pop-up store.” Sweaters were particularly popular. We were eager to stay warm.
On Sunday we came together during breakfast as fast friends. The level of love and excitement was palpable. Once more, we cleaned. This time with vigor. We had to pack our things and clear out the corners we had inhabited. Many of us stayed on to share Meeting for Worship with Clear Creek Friends. Alas, my carpool buddies and I headed home early. We had a speaker to catch at our home meeting. But we were sad to go. We initiated a hug
The Women’s Weekend flew by far too fast. I made wonderful new Friends and left with a heart full of joy. When the next Women and Gender Minority Retreat rolls around, you can bet I will be there.
